Movie # 8- The Void (2001)

The Void.  Made in Canada in 2001.  The dvd box art shows a void in a downtown area of a big city, in the middle of the street, sucking in skyscrapers and cars.  Sounds promising, right?  *Raises hand* Yes, I would like to see cities getting sucked in to a hole of destruction and darkness.  Sounds like a fun party to me.  So I hit play and got comfy on my couch to watch what I thought would for sure be a fun movie.

The movie starts off in what looks like a bunker, but is actually some sort of science-y research center.  A bunch of Russians - at least, I *think* that is the accent they are trying to go for here? Very hard to tell because they are very bad accents- are at the controls of some experiment.  The next 5 mins is just filled with various people just saying things like "initiate beam down", "powering proton storage ring",  "sequence initiated", etc.  Vague instructions were an attempt to keep us informed with what was going on, but it really just felt like the writer was trying to cram in every big science phrase like this that he could think of, just to prove he really knows what he's talking about here.  Not even ten minutes in to the movie, and it already feels drawn out. On a Tv screen in the room is Dr. Abernathy, the tippy top dog running this experiment, who chose not to show up in person.  After some more science-y phrases, an old man comes in the room.  He is the guy who is on site there to run to program.  He argues with the tv, saying that they need to shut everything down or else everything goes boom.   The guy on the tv says he clearly knows better, so they need to go ahead with the experiment.  Everything does indeed go boom. BIG bada boom.

Then we are introduced to our main characters. Professor Eva and professor Price. Eva says hi, Price says hi back. This scene cuts away straight to a unneeded sex scene. It felt like this scene was added because the writer couldn't figure out any other way to show the audience that the two main characters are in a relationship.  Clearly, immediate sex is the best way to show this... I don't know what I must have been thinking.  Anyways, fter the sex scene, Eva goes to her boyfriends computer and starts hacking in to his company's research center information.  There was a really convenient icon right there on the desktop.  It takes her no time at all to find the top secret files about the super duper top secret experiment.  After a movie montage of her solving impossible equation after equation (YES! It was a fucking movie montage of her doing math!), Eva has solved a super complex, impossible, top secret equation that the experiment is based on..... mini black holes.  Black holes the size of atoms, being made and contained at this research lab.  She has also discovered that this nano black hole equation is wrong.  And that it's going to suck up the whole planet.  Now she has to go convince Dr. Abernathy that his life long experiment equation is wrong and save the world.

Sooo...... yeah, that's the basic plot.  It could have been awesome.  Sadly, this movie is far from awesome.  Very....very..... far from awesome.  It's hard to tell which hurt this movie more,  the writing, or the directing.  Both were spectacularly awful.  They were also both done by the same man- Gilbert Shilton.  Shame on you, Mr. Shilton. There were a lot of scenes that seemed to be a waste of time.  There was really no reason for some of these scenes.  It felt like Gilbert wrote a script with a run time of 40 mins, but the studio told him he need to stretch it out to be a 93 min movie, so he added lots...and LOTS of filler.  The writing felt the same.  Sometimes it felt like the characters were just talking in order to drag out the scene.  It felt very awkward and clunky.  The writing also had issues with it's humor.  The jokes flat on their face.  Not even worthy of being called a groaner.  Someone would say something that is supposed to be funny, instead of hearing laughter, you just hear the sound of crickets.  I have a feeling Gilbert thought he was pretty damn funny with those lines and nobody had the balls to tell him he needed to do a re-write.

As for the directing... wow.  Ok, let me walk you through this one scene, ok?  Eva and her boyfriend are crawling through the air vents.  Instead of the camera looking straight at them at an even angle,  the camera view is rotated about 10 inches to the right.  So you see them crawling through the tunnel at an angle.  Their head is at 2 o'clock, their feet at 7.  Then, the camera is slowly rotated back to it's default (normal) angle.  It looked horrible.  D:  I cringed.  The worst part.... the director did this sort of shot more then once.  Agh.   There were also a few scenes were we are watching two characters talking, and all of a sudden the camera starts to cam downward, and then all of a sudden jerks back up to where it was.  It was as if the person controlling the camera let go of it thinking it would stay in it's position, but when it started to slip he quickly grabbed the camera and put it back in place.  It was very sloppy.  This, also, happened often.

The movie was called The Void.  Hmph. More like, The Barely-There-and-Does-Nothing Void.  I guess that was too long of a title, so they just shortened it to just The Void.  But seriously, there was almost NO void action.  First of all, this research center is not in a down town area, or even a very populated area at all.  No sucking in skyscrapers.  No sucking in taxi cars.  Then, when we finally see the mini black hole appear in the research area, it does almost no damage.  *Pauses* Now.... science has never been my subject.... but, I'm pretty sure that if you had a black hole the size of a mini van appear in your building, shit is going to get torn down and sucked in to that hole. Am I right? Black holes are like giant vacuums, yeah?  I would think even shit that is bolted down would get sucked in.  Well, in this movie.... the black hole stirred up some papers and made some doors wobble. Yeah, sure, it sucked in 2 living people and a dead body, but all of them pretty much asked to be sucked up because they stood right on the black hole anyways.  At one point, there was a guy in a wheelchair about 10 feet from this black hole and NOTHING happens to him. Come on!! Seriously? That guy should have been black hole chow and we ALL know it.  Total bullshit that he could stand (well, sit) that close to it and not get sucked in.  HE'S ON WHEELS!! Come on!!

Something that really bothered me, is the total lack of explanation on what the experiment is for.  Uuh, excuse me Mr. Science Guy, but, why are we building nano black holes 20 feet from us again?  Is this some sort of energy thing or what? They never clearly say why this experiment is going on.  The closest we get to one, is Dr. Abernathy saying how he has cancer and he wants to run this experiment before he dies because it's all based on his equations.  Hey, why not?  It'll only destroy THE WORLD if you're wrong. No biggie.

I kinda felt cheated by the ending as well.  for 90 mins Prof. Eva is rattling on about how this black hole will be the end of the world, either it will just start sucking up the whole planet or it will explode like a massive nuclear bomb and blow up the planet.  The main characters stop the black hole by blowing up the research lab.  Ok, again, science isn't my subject and all... but... blowing up the building doesn't really seem like the way to destroy a black hole....? *Shrug* maybe it is... but, it sure felt pretty weak.   I also want to call  shenanigans on the two main characters even surviving said blast.  They are in the heart of this major research lab. They have 5 mins to get out.  The blast radius is like 10 miles or more in every direction.  No fucking way did they get through the building, in a car, start the car, and drive off before that blast happened.  I don't care how fast your car is, there is just no way. NO. WAY.

Agh! This movie was boring and frustrating and had NO pay off at all.  Only 93 mins, it felt like 2 hours.  I would recommend not watching this movie. Ever.